Seat 4D
by missparker85
Summary: Kathryn Janeway, afterwards.
1. Seat 4D

"I'm so totally not joking. I really think it's her." Isabelle said tugging her best friend's sleeve, whispering excitedly. Laura sighed loudly, not hiding any of her disinterest.

"You always think it's her, Izzy." Laura said, looking back down at her PADD. "Besides, why would Kathryn Janeway be on a shuttle transport to Mars? Wouldn't she be able to just transport?"

"She isn't Starfleet anymore. It's her, oh God. I have to go introduce myself."

"What is it with you and old people?" Laura, asked, looking up at the small woman a few seats in front of them.

"She isn't old. 45 is not old. Shut up, nobody asked you. Besides, she's just... so brave and noble and gorgeous." Isabelle gushed. "And she's just staring out at the stars. We still have two hours. I doubt she'd mind a little conversation."

"Right, a stimulating conversation from a 15-year-old. She'd just jump at that prospect." Laura said sarcastically.

"Well, I'm going over there." Isabelle said standing, smoothing her beige skirt.

"You're just leaving me here alone?" Laura said, worried for the first time.

"Yep," Isabelle walked down the aisle to the woman sitting there, looking bored. "Excuse me." The lady looked over and gave the once over to the girl standing in front of her trying not to fidget with the hem of her blouse.

"Yes?" She asked.

"You're Kathryn Janeway, right?" She asked. Kathryn nodded, warily.

"I thought so; I've been following your work in all the science journals. Do you mind if I sit down?" she asked eagerly.

"Of course," Kathryn said, motioning to the seat across from her in the booth.

"My name is Isabelle Wildman." She said, softly. "I believe my aunt was on your ship." This caused Kathryn to look up sharply. Despite the girl's dark hair and olive skin, she could see similar facial structures.

"Samantha was your aunt. Well how about that. This isn't about my work in science, is it?" Kathryn asked, smiling slightly.

"I have been following the news vids on Voyager, but that's only because Aunt Sam was with you. I did enjoy your piece on massive compact halo objects." Isabelle said sincerely.

"Really? That's wonderful." Kathryn said, a real smile appearing. "How old are you?"

"15, I'm on my way home. I had an interview with Starfleet Academy." She said.

"Already?"

"No, just for their prep courses." Isabelle said.

"15, that's young." Kathryn said. "I haven't talked to Samantha is a while. How's Naomi doing?" She asked the girl.

"She's adjusting. I'm the closest one to her age in the family now. She's so smart. She talked about you a lot." Kathryn blushed at this.

"I do miss her at times. She was a good dose of reality on that ship. I wanted her to know earth." Her voice was far away and Isabelle was content to just sit and look at her. She still couldn't believe she was sitting across from Kathryn Janeway.

"I admit, I was a little fascinated with the Voyager stories. It's a little unsettling to actually meet the woman of Naomi's affection." This brought Kathryn's attention back.

"You aren't the first one who has approached me. It was a little aggravating at first. People trying to be my friend just because I was famous. I didn't get Voyager home to be famous. After a while, I forgot why I did get Voyager home." Isabelle immediately felt guilty at Kathryn's admission.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Janeway." She said standing quickly. "I just wanted to compliment you on your brain. I wanted to meet my cousin's idol." She tried not to sound bitter or ashamed. "I'll tell Samantha I saw you." Kathryn didn't respond, and turned back to her window and Isabelle made her way back to Laura.

"Well, how was she?" Laura asked, impatiently.

"Not how I imagined." Isabelle said sadly. "I told her who I was, but she just seemed to think I was after Voyager stories."

"I'm not one to say I told you so, but, I told you so." Laura said smugly.

"I still think she's beautiful." Isabelle added.

Laura sighed.


	2. Room 451

Kathryn Janeway walked into her hotel room, calling for the lights and examining the drab room she had been assigned. It was times like these she missed Starfleet, but only for a moment. You got nice rooms, in the Mars HQ but now, she had to take what was provided to her for minimal cost. There was at least a bathtub so she immediately turned on the taps and peeled off her travel clothing. She dug through her bag to find the bundle of hair pins she knew was in there. Since her return, she had let her hair start growing its way down her back again. She scooped up tendrils of the hair until most of it was off her face. She also retrieved two white candles from the bag and placed them on the tub, lighting them with a lighter she found in the bedside table drawer. She turned off the lights so she could see the steam rising from the water and sunk gratefully into the near scalding water, letting her body slowly submerge. 

She had gone straight to the conference once she had left the transport shuttle and now it was nearly midnight and she had another shuttle to catch in the morning. The only reason she had agreed to speak is because Seven was supposed to speak as well and she hadn't seen her in quite a while. When she arrived, Seven was nearing the end of her speech on the Borg transwarp systems and was gone before Kathryn had even caught her eye.

Many of the former Voyager crew were angry with her for leaving Starfleet without any explanation. Now, Chakotay was the Captain and had left for a mission less than 3 weeks ago. B'Elanna was on the ship, but Tom wasn't, a fact that Kathryn found intriguing. Their marriage couldn't survive the alpha quadrant and Tom was one of the people who left Starfleet. Seven had never joined, and Neelix was in the academy. Most of the Voyager crew had stuck together with Chakotay and she was glad they had each other at all. Voyager had become the outcasts of the quadrant upon their return. They had all picked up strange habits such as constantly rationing, and never using replicators, it was hard for them to be anything but together. But the officers who had quit Starfleet, like herself and Tom, seemed to just disappear into the woodwork. Seven managed to make a living and had an apartment in Switzerland with an aunt.

She hadn't contacted Tom yet, but knew a few places he might be and just needed the motivation to go find him. It would be painful, she knew. But, for now, she cleared her mind of such thoughts and concentrated on the feel of water on her skin and candle light dancing on the walls. She let her eyes drift close, and was nearly asleep when she heard the chime at her door sound. Sighing, she toweled off quickly and dug out her light blue robe, to cover up with. She opened the door and Seven stood looking uncomfortable.

"Seven!" She said, letting her in to the dark hotel room, except for the small amount of candle light coming from the bathroom.

"I saw you speak at the conference." She stated. Seven looked good, Kathryn decided. She wore beige slacks and a black sweater, and her hair was down around her face, instead of pulled back so severely. Her implants were still there, but some people liked to keep their scars.

"I thought you hadn't seen me." she said, quietly.

"I've interrupted you, I should not have come."

"Where are you staying, Seven?" she asked, stopping the woman from leaving.

"My shuttle left an hour ago. I'm not staying anywhere." She informed the older woman.

"You can stay here. I have to leave in a few hours anyway, but the room is paid for an extra day." she told Seven. "I think there is a robe in that closet." She said pointing to the door near the bed.

"Thank you…" She felt Seven hesitate at what to call her, she was hardly a Captain anymore.

"I guess it's Kathryn." Kathryn told her. "I'm almost done in there. I'll be out soon." She left Seven standing uncertainly in the bedroom.

When Kathryn came back out, she didn't feel like sleeping. Sleep was not an easy thing to come by these days, and tonight was no different.

"It's hard to understand that this is what we fought so hard to come back too, isn't it?" Kathryn asked. Seven was standing in the open doorway, letting the night air come into the room, watching the tree outside blow in the breeze.

"Earth is not what I expected." she agreed.

"I want you to know, that none of us knew it would be like this." Kathryn tried to comfort the woman.

"Nothing is ever the same as you expect it to be."

"I didn't think anyone would care so much that I left Starfleet."

"You could've been an admiral." She reminded the older woman.

"I didn't want that."

"Are you doing what you want now?" The words were spit out so forcefully it even surprised Seven. Kathryn didn't answer, but sat on the foot of her bed.

"I'm sorry I can't be with you, Seven." She said into the darkness. The door clicked gently shut and Kathryn was alone.


	3. Manhunt

It was time to go find Tom. That much I knew. After my experience with Seven, I knew I couldn't hide away in science journals and conferences forever, I had to go find what I friends I had left and something told me Tom wouldn't desert me now. I returned home just long enough to change clothes. I was living at home still, and my mother was thrilled to be able to 'pamper me after such a long journey'. It disturbed me that my mother didn't know me well enough to realize that I hate that sort of thing, but maybe I would've enjoyed it before the Delta Quadrant. We all changed so much out there. 

She let me go, my mother, even when I told her I didn't know when I'd be home, I wasn't sure if I needed a jacket and no, I wasn't hungry. I'm 45 years old, if I need a jacket, I think I'll know. The woman was driving me nuts. After I found Tom, I was going to get an apartment somewhere far away from Bloomington, Indiana. She kissed me and I was out of the door.

I didn't really know where I was going to find him, but I found myself in Marseilles, France in front of Sandrine's. It was a little different then the holodeck program but not much. It was hard to go in for some reason. I know the real Sandrine would probably have no idea who I was, unless she'd followed the Voyager news feeds, but it wasn't the top story the media tried to force it to be and I was grateful that I wasn't recognized on the streets.

I walked in and it wasn't as smoky as it had been programmed in the past, all of Tom's 20th century pool sharks were not there to smoke up the joint. I just looked around for a moment, scanning the crowd. Part of me hoped Tom wasn't here drinking, throwing his life away again. I didn't see him, but I saw the real, live Sandrine working the crowd. I looked out of place, I felt out of place, standing in the doorway with my casual and white t-shirt. I looked from the wrong time or something; more relaxed than the sorry faces that lined the bar. When Sandrine walked by, I touched her shoulder to get her attention. She looked around, startled, but smiled at me anyway.

"Come in, Madame, it's cold out there." she said and I walked in a few steps, allowing the door to close.

"I'm looking for someone you might know." I started, speaking softly.

"I know many people." She laughed.

"Tom Paris?" Her face took on a more serious expression.

"Tommy has not been in here for many years, Cherie. But I did hear that his ship came home. Perhaps you should talk to a Starfleet officer." She started to walk away.

"Sandrine, wait." She stopped. "I was the Captain of that ship." I said, and gave a modest smile. "Do you know anywhere he might be?" I was begging and she looked at me as if I wasn't any sort of Captain.

"No, Captain, I do not. Bon chance in finding Tommy. Give him my love." She walked away. And as I walked back out into the drizzle, I cursed because I knew I was going to have to go see Owen Paris, something I'd avoided since my decision to leave the fleet the day before we came home. He was at the celebration and I had told him first. He hadn't spoken to me since. I was dreading even being near the headquarters again, I knew I'd be offered a position back in, that my little absence was only that, an absence and no one would ever have to know. Starfleet was like that.

I transported to San Francisco but walked three blocks to the actual campus. I was meandering through the gardens, giving myself a pep talk when I heard my name.

"Katie Janeway, I don't believe my eyes." The voice belonged to Boothsby and a thousand memories of the 8472 rushed back.

"Hello." We didn't touch, Boothsby was like that, but he did pull a flower from behind his back. "I don't know how you do that every time." I whispered suddenly close to tears. He reached up and tucked it behind my ear, and it looked pretty, the purple against my hair which I had left down.

"Don't be a stranger." He said and knelt back down with a loud groan. I felt a little better and walked into the Brass' office building.

"Excuse me ma'am, do you have a pass?" A young security guard stopped me in the lobby. He was a baby, with white blond hair and blue eyes, and such a round little face.

"I don't, I'm sorry, but I need to talk to Admiral Paris." I said, politely.

"He isn't in right now."

"I disagree." I said, and he started to get a self-righteous look in his eyes. "Why don't you give him a hail? Tell him that Kathryn Janeway is here to speak to him." I could see the guard scanning his brain for the familiar name and the exact moment it dawned on him, it was all I could do no to laugh.

"I'm not actually supposed to let you in, seeing how you've left Starfleet, but I think it will be alright." It was almost an apology and I thanked him, and stepped on the turbo lift. I remembered exactly where his office was and he had the same secretary.

"Katie Janeway!" She whispered – his door was slightly open. I smiled.

"Hello Doris. Is he in?" It was an arbitrary question, but it was tradition.

"He's in, but don't say I didn't warn you." I smiled with thanks, and pushed the door open. His chair was facing the window and I was silent as I clicked the door open.

"I was wondering if you'd show up." He voice cut through the silence like a dull knife.

"Well, here I am." It was hard not to say it cynically. He turned around and gave me the once over.

"You at least look good. Not drinking your self to death like I am." I took notice of the open scotch bottle near his desk, and shrugged.

"You do seem to have that covered." The same picture of Tom was on his desk and he caught me looking at it.

"Is he why you're here Kathryn Janeway? Is he the reason it took you an hour to come up here? Oh yes, I saw you walking circles around down there." I glared at him.

"I don't know where he is, and I thought... you might." There, I had said it.

"He was home for a little white." He poured himself more scotch and I frowned. "But he said he had to find his own place. So he left."

"It's important Owen." I pushed. "I realize you're frustrated with me for leaving Starfleet but that shouldn't stop Tom and me from being friends."

"You could come back. Maybe even be promoted, we need good officers like you." There is was. I looked down, composing myself.

"If you won't help me, then I'll go." I said, turning.

"I really wish I knew. If I find him, I'll tell you." He spun around and I knew the conversation was over. I left, waving to Doris. I was frustrated as hell. My next move was to send a subspace message to Voyager. B'Elanna might know where he was.

I made my way to the archive building across the campus. It was mostly empty, most people who used it were cadets at the academy across the street, and most were in classes. No one cut at the academy. I planted myself in front of a terminal and activated it. My fingers flew across the panel with ease as I encoded the message. No one actually believed I had really given up so all my access codes worked perfectly. Starfleet was just that stupid and for that I was grateful. It was short, sincere, unthreatening, I knew Chakotay was mad at me, but B'Elanna didn't have to be. I sent it and picked up my purse, slinging it over my shoulder. Until the message came back, and it could take days to even get there. I didn't want to go home, but I didn't want to stay at HQ. I needed a miracle to occupy me for a few hours. I left the library, and looked behind me at Owen's building. I thought I could almost make him out, watching me, but the logical part of me knew it probably was my imagination. I was walking towards the bridge although I had no jacket, just the t-shirt and a light blue sweater. I would freeze if I tried to walk across the golden gate, but maybe I was hoping for the miracle before then. And then I saw my miracle, and I looked up at the sky.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." I cursed, but Neelix had already seen me and was running towards me. I don't know if you've ever seen a Talaxian run, but needlessly to say, I hurried to meet him in the middle.

"Captain!" He realized his mistake immediately and bumbled a moment.

"Neelix, it's good to see you. And in Starfleet colors nonetheless," He blushed and I smiled. "How are classes going?"

"Fine, they are hard, but I enjoy it. I've already learned so much on Voyager that I'm not really behind." We walked away from the waters direction.

"Good to hear. I'm glad you're enjoying it." He did, I noticed, look a little stressed and I didn't have the heart to tell him it would only get worse, the work load, heavier.

"So, what brings you here?" He asked, but I knew he was really asking if I was coming back.

"I had to see Admiral Paris about something." I said grimly.

"I thought you two were friends?" I shrugged.

"We were once. But that was a long time ago."

"A shame, I just spoke to Tom last week. I'm taking a piloting course, and I needed-"

"Neelix!" I stopped to grab his shoulders and we were eye to eye. I realized then, it the midst of my excitement that with out three inch heels on my boots, we were the same height. "You spoke to Tom?"

"Yes, about the shuttle class. Why?" He said, looking a little frightened.

"That's why I'm out here to see Owen Paris. I need to find Tom, even Owen doesn't know where he is!" I ranted.

"You're squeezing a bit tight there." He winced and I immediately let go. "Tom is living in... um... oh, gosh is starts with an N, one of the states, my North American geography is still a little rusty..." He got lost in thought. I started naming off states.

"North Carolina, Nebraska, New Mexico-"

"It's a New one, I remember!" He said excitedly. I tried not to throttle him.

"New Hampshire, New York-"

"That's it! New York! That's where Tom bought an apartment. He said he's testing shuttles for companies besides Starfleet although it doesn't sound very safe-"

"Neelix, you're a Godsend." Maybe it wasn't such a bad miracle after all. "Do you remember his address?" He shook his head.

"It's in my dorm, I'm sorry. I can get it for you, but I'm already running late for class." He looked apologetic.

"Who is your professor?" I asked, pulling him towards the resident section of the campus.

"Captain McDougal. She teaches-"

"Physics, good, you'll be fine. What hall are you in?" He led me to his dorm room which was surprisingly neat upon remembering his galley; of course, it had to be for the academy.

10 minutes later I clutched the address in my hand and walked Neelix over to his class. He was fidgeting, nervous about being in trouble but when I walked in with him, Alice McDougal just about wet herself with excitement. She was never a calm woman, not when we were in the academy together and surely not now.

"My, my, what a surprise. Cadets, Captain Kathryn Janeway!" They all exchanged glances and Alice's complete lack of composure.

"Just Kathryn Janeway. I kept Mr. Neelix, please don't let it reflect on him." I said, backing towards the door.

"No, of course not." She said. "Of course, physics is one of Ms. Janeway's expert area's, is it not?" She asked. I glanced up at the crowd as saw a student watching me, shaking her head slightly, almost telling me to get out while I could. She looked familiar and I recognized her. It was the girl from shuttle transport, Samantha's niece. The universe was really just that small.

"It's been a while. Nice seeing you, Captain. Cadets." I said and winked at Neelix. Then I was gone, The PADD with Tom's address nestled in my purse. Now, it was time to go find Tom.


	4. Speculation

At first I thought that they were meeting on a date. Most likely a blind date because she was looking around, scanning the crowd, looking sort of lost. She was a little dressed up too, nice but nothing fancy, first date clothes. A knee length skirt and a button down blouse, her hair down, a little make-up, earrings, she was beautiful in her own unique way.

I'd been watching him for a while, about 20 minutes before she got there. The strange thing was he didn't look like he was waiting for anybody and I had seen him there before. He liked to come and sit on a bench by the wildflower patch that grew near the center of the park. It was a strange place, this side of central park, so close to the busy downtown shopping and restaurants. He was dressed normally, not like a date, but when I saw her, I immediately paired them up.

She was quite a bit older then he was, and she was familiar for some reason I still can't place, but then again so was he. I knew that she'd being looking for him, no matter how unconventional. I'm a people watcher, I know these things.

I also know when to admit when I'm wrong. It wasn't a blind date, they knew each other and while she knew where to find him he had no idea she was even on the same planet as he was. The moment she saw him you could see the weight lift off her shoulders. She saw him before he saw her. She studied him for a moment, stepped back so he wouldn't see her until she was ready.

I guessed lovers, and then changed my mind. Friends, but they'd been through something together that changed them, changed the way they interacted with each other. You could tell that much, she was fluffing her hair and it was auburn when the sun shown on it, and long. Then, she took a deep breath and walked up behind him. He was involved in whatever it was he was reading off a Starfleet PADD and didn't notice. She stood, almost touching his shoulder, but said something instead.

His expression confirmed that he did not know she was coming. He smiled and stood. They hugged awkwardly and it seemed to me that it had been a while. Not long enough that they needed a moment to recognize each other but long enough that they needed a valid excuse why they had been out of touch. He was uncomfortable, not liking surprises that he couldn't live on his feet from. She said something and he smiled apologetically. She smiled and shrugged it off, continuing to speak, waving her arms for emphasis. They sat down and spoke for about an hour and you could tell that once, maybe not now, but once he had loved her.

Of course... I'm just speculating.


	5. A Sad Song

"I guess I came here because I knew there would be a lot of people." Tom replied, honestly. "There are a lot of famous people that live here, more so then I could ever be... so when I think someone is going to run up and ask for an autograph, they are really heading for the person behind me." They were walking away from the park, to have lunch at a cafe Tom discovered.

"You also didn't tell anyone where you were going, not even your family." Kathryn scolded.

"I told Neelix." he defended.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I!" They were quiet for a moment as they waded through a crowed together.

"I was worried when I couldn't track you down. That's all. You know, Chakotay isn't even talking to me, and now that I've resigned... I've lost more friends than I've kept." She admitted, and when his hand found hers, she didn't object.

"We're still friends. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I half expected you to go back, I think. But I know how stubborn you are, I suppose I should've known better." He bumped into an elderly woman's cane and it clattered to the pavement.

"Oh, excuse me." She said softly, bending to pick it up. Kathryn crouched down and picked it up for her and the elderly woman reached out and touched her face gingerly. Kathryn looked up quickly, almost alarmed but the woman seemed harmless. All three of them had fallen silent.

"I'm... I'm sorry we knocked this over." Kathryn said, and pulled the hand away gently.

"You look like my daughter." she said. "But I've seen you somewhere before." Tom jumped in at this point.

"I don't think so; we've never been to New York before." He said, and he knew the old woman knew it was a lie.

"Of course," The woman looked away and Kathryn and Tom continued.

"That was bizarre." Tom mumbled, but Kathryn looked back a moment. The woman was still watching with her head cocked.

"You can call me Kathryn." She said, turning to Tom suddenly. "You haven't called me anything yet... Seven hesitated like that too. I just want you to know... if you want to be my friend I can't be a Captain to you anymore." He looked over and smiled, retaking her hand.

"Thank you." They crossed the street and then they were standing in front of a small coffee house. They sat down at one of the round tables made for two in front and when the waitress came, Tom ordered her a coffee. She might've been mad at the masculine gesture but now she was grateful because all she wanted to do was sit there and look at him, watch him, make sure he was really and truly there.

"So what are you going to do, now that you aren't Captain Janeway?" He asked when her coffee and his tea arrived.

"Well, first I was going to find you. Which I've done." He smiled and she felt 14. Was this puppy love? She didn't bother to think about that yet. "I've been working the science circles; I've had a few things published."

"I know. I've read them." She was surprised and cocked her eyebrow. "Just because you couldn't find me, Kathryn, doesn't mean I was ignoring you."

"You were at that conference too, weren't you?" When she had thought she's caught him out of the corner of her eye, she had dismissed it immediately, but now she wasn't so sure.

"I was. I saw Seven, we had dinner. We talked about you." She felt indigent.

"Have you been spying on me or something?"

"Don't get angry, I just... didn't know how to approach you. I figured if you wanted to see me you'd find me. I figured you needed time." she didn't know whether to be angry or not. On principle, she was angry, but she could see Tom's logic. He saw her thinking it over, and handed her his tea cup for distraction.

"What?" she asked.

"Taste it. It tastes like Christmas." she sipped it and chuckled.

"It does." she agreed, handing it back to him.

"Remember when we'd have the party in your quarters after the Prixin celebration. Harry, and you and I, and Seven when she came aboard."

"I remember. It was hard giving up Christmas. You know, after we'd had it all our lives. It's wasn't quite the same. You couldn't ever program the holographic tree to smell right... but it was still Christmas."

"Sometimes... I wish we were still on Voyager, I know I shouldn't, but when I think about laying under the tree and looking up through the branches, or Harry playing his clarinet, those sad songs..." They shared a moment of silence.

"I'm not very hungry." she said.

"Me either." he answered.

"Come home with me. Back to Indiana, I can't go back alone Tom, I can't spend anymore quality time with my mother." she pleaded.

"Stay in New York."

"I'm not a city girl, I couldn't live here." They regarded each other for a moment. "Sandrine... she sends her love. Maybe we could go there, you could give me a proper introduction."

"That," he said with a cheeky grin, "I could agree with. And then... we can go to Indiana?"

"We wouldn't have to stay long..." she offered.

"Only long enough to pack up your things." He agreed in a matter of fact manner.

"And then we could come back, just long enough to pack up your things." she insisted.

"Where would we go?" They pondered for a moment.

"Somewhere it snows... where we could get snowed in for Christmas. Harry, is he still talking to you?" she asked, not wanting to lose Harry more than anything.

"Yeah, he's still talking. Is Seven still talking to you?"

"No... I don't think so. But Harry, he could come for Christmas, and play me a sad song, and we could lie under the tree, and stare up through the branches." She smiled at the thought.

"We could do it, Kathryn, we could live together on the ground. I could transport here, and keep my job testing shuttles, and you could write for your science journals and we could have the quiet life. Just think." She stood up and he did the same, pressing his thumbprint to the PADD on their table.

"Do you think we could?" she asked. "Be happy with each other? I mean... could you be happy without whatever it is you do?" He shrugged.

"I've never had you before, how do I know? But, I'd be happy trying." She laughed and kicked a stone out of her way, scuffing the tow of her boot.

"I'll drive you crazy." she warned him.

"I'm counting on it."

"Somewhere where it snows." she sighed. In the back of her mind, she had her doubts, they would drive each other crazy, that was a given, but... she never imagined it would be Tom she clung to in the end.

"Come on, I'll buy you another drink, some place far away." He said and his hand found hers.

The End


End file.
